Thursday, November 13, 2014

Parenting the Better Way??

Today, as I sit on the couch, folding laundry while my son watches Frozen for the hundredth time, I realized something.

I don't get this day back. Today is the only today I get with him.

He may get on my nerves, he may not.listen much, if at all, some days. But he's my son. He's a part of me just like my daughter who is at school currently.
I recently read an article written by a dad who seems to have the perfect grasp on how you make your child feel.
Do you want to be the parent who strikes fear to use as "respect" just to make the child cower and surrender? Or do you want to be the parent who encourages, supports and openly lobes that child?
I know I personally have a temper. I always have, especially in high school. Those hormones, man, were a bitch I tell ya. But after I had children, my maternal instinct has kicked in. I'm more mellow. I nurture and teach my children to love and treat one another with care. That doesn't always stick, its a constant battle, but its my job. I'm a mother. Its my duty as a human being to turn little people into the best that they can be, even if its not exactly what I want for them when they grow up.
I want my children to look back at their childhood and remember every happy day, every happy family memory possible. I don't want their minds clouded and poisened with angry parents and hard hands.
Some parents have had to go through the misery and grief of losing a child. I am lucky. My kids were born healthy and still have not gone through any real trama. So far, only my daughter has had any decent accident with bodily harm and its was just five stitches and a few weeks to fully recover.
One place I normally see other parents out and about is the grocery store. I don't get out much, do not go to any mommy and me groups, and I'm not very social. So the weekly trips to the store is where I see my peers. But there, you'll hear it. The angry parent yelling at their energetic child. The exhausted mom of four trying to corral her kids that are screeching and touching everything. The angry, domineering looking father with the defeated little boy in tow trying to do what he came to do and get out as quickly as possible.
It starts with a simple request. "Daddy, can I have a candy bar?" In a little voice. Then the sharp tone of the dad, telling him to be quiet and don't dare ask for anything. Then you see the sweet face of the boy fall in a shadow, not because of the no. You know its because of the way his father, who is supposed to love and support him, lashed out at him over such a little thing. And if this happens in this situation, only God knows what happens at home or when the sad little boy actually acts out and misbehaves.
I snap at my kids, I know I do. Some days, it seems that all they do is run me over and ignore everything I tell them to do or not to do. But then days like this, I have to remi d myself that its OK. I'm not perfect and my children don't need me to be. They have to forgive me just like I need to forgive them. They're children, not adults. We cannot, as parents, expect them to act like adults when all we do is treat them like children.

Today, I have decided to make a vow to my children.

I will yell less, whisper and giggle more.
 I will just shake my head instead of sighing and using attitude when my son throws a tantrum over my saying no.
 I will hugs and kiss and cuddle both my kids at least twice as much as I already do.
 I will read to my kids at bed time even if my oldest has an extremely high reading level already.
I will say yes whenever I can, but say no when needed.
 I will get on the floor more no matter how it hurts my back to play with my three year old and his cars.
Today, I want to be the best mom I can be and not just do what I think I need to do. I need to clean less to spend more time with them.
I need to turn off the cartoons and have my son help with chores during school days.
I need to give my daughter more personal space now that she's getting older.
I have so many more things in my list and I know I won't be a super mom. But I'll be the best me I can be. And maybe, just maybe, my children will grow up respecting me as well as loving me as the mom I am.
Maybe they will look back when they have kids of their own and not say that they will do everything so differently than me.
Here's to a new day, a new beginning.