Thursday, January 15, 2015

Today is January 16th, 2015....

Yesterday was my husbands 25 th birthday. Amazing. We married when he was freshly 17, with a baby on the way. Not your typical happily ever after I imagine, buy so far it has worked for us in our own ways.

Lately, I've been tired. Tired of cleaning, tired of picking up dirty clothes, doing dishes, vacuuming that same stupid carpet everyday. I'm burnt out. I've lost me. And km lonely. It hurts to admit it, bit I'm not the same person I was years ago, full of life and hopes. There's no exciting future ahead of me and it makes me feel ashamed. I have children, I love them both dearly. But it feel like I lost the woman I was into the mom I am now. I'm just a wife and mother. I'm no linger an individual. There's nothing unique about me, nothing stands out. When someone says, "Tell me a little about yourself," I simply would say I'm 26, have two kids and I've been married for almost 8 years now. That's it? Is that all I really am made of?
I've taken to hobbies to keep my sanity. I did nails, I make pallet signs and hand paint them. I feel good about that. But over all, my day is serving others. I'm drowning in my own home in sippy cups, dingy sink water, lame Disney Junior cartoons that make me want to chuck my flat screen.
It seems like there's nothing to me anymore, no passion, no fire lit in my heart. Every day is routine, stuck in a rut. How do you get out of it? I just don't know what to do anymore.

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